“THEY” said I Need to Get Married, You’ll Do

I don’t care what age you are, someone will tell you when you need to do something according to what “they” say. “They” say you have to wait three months in a relationship before you have sex.  “They” say you have to be married before 30 if you are a woman or something is wrong with you.  “They” say if a man doesn’t propose to you within two years, he never will so dump him and don’t waste your time. “They” always have something to say.  The funny thing is, “they” usually never followed any of that advice and are usually trying to Geppetto your situation.

 

I must admit, sometimes I’ve followed the relationship advice “they” gave intermittingly throughout my life.  Often times, I’ve thought that relationships failed because I didn’t follow the rules.  I remember reflecting that on my long term relationships and I found that in all of those, I actually followed that three month waiting period rule.  It wasn’t like we’d be hot and heavy and I’d stop and look at the calendar and tell dude that he had a little longer to wait.  No, it was nothing like that. Instead, we actually got to know each other during those months and when the time felt right, it just so happened to be months later.  I also realized that the person’s true self didn’t show until after around three months, because you can only front for so long.  In that reflection, I also noted that in relationships that didn’t have that three month period, those relationships usually ended within three months. Hmmm, maybe there is something to this waiting thing.

Continue reading “THEY” said I Need to Get Married, You’ll Do

The Power of Yes Dear

I was with a group of single woman, chit chatting about the various stages of our love lives. Two of the ladies were dating divorced men.  In the conversation, someone shared how her partner let her have her way in a certain situation.  When the lady him asked why him immediately backed down, he said “I didn’t want any problems.”  My reply was, “Ahhhh, he has mastered the Power of Yes Dear.”  Hence, the catalyst for this piece.

“Yes Dear” can make life soooo much easier. At least that’s what I hear. I haven’t had a long history with the practice myself, but I’m getting a taste.  Continue reading The Power of Yes Dear

Dodging Bullets

Like you, I have a few friends with whom we discuss exes and what we know of their current lives.  A few have stated that they saw their exes on social media sites and they realized that they dodged a bullet based on what they represented on the sites.  Although we know that most people post their best selves, these dudes clearly didn’t get the memo.  We laugh reflecting on how hurt we were when the relationships ended, but in hind sight; we’re elated. Continue reading Dodging Bullets

Relationship Investments and Balance Sheets

Are you owed something if you make an investment? That investment may come in many forms, so may the return on that investment.  In thinking about relationships, one may consider their money or time spent during the relationship as an investment.  If that relationship ends, are you owed something?  If the relationship progresses, do you consider that a return on your investment?

I know a former couple in which one party traveled quite frequently to spend time with the other.  While together, the other party took care of all the other expenses during their romantic excursions.  Although the traveler spent a significantly larger amount of money for their togetherness, they thought of it as an investment into the relationship.  When that relationship ended, the traveler wanted reimbursement for the overage in costs (their travel expenses –amounts their partner spent for weekend expenses = the return they wanted back).  They wanted to make things equal because overall, their investment did not result in the anticipated gains for either of them. Continue reading Relationship Investments and Balance Sheets

Don’t you Know No Good?

Have you ever heard someone speak about a person you’ve known in such an unflattering way that you couldn’t believe this to be the same person you knew? “They’re no good.” “They’re a womanizer.” “They just ain’t ‘bout shit.”  How can a good person turn into such a person that someone else just wishes they would evaporate?

I’ve always had platonic, male friends.  Some people don’t think that’s possible, but it is.  When my male friends open up to me about their emotions, I often find hidden hurt.  Make that hidden and unhealed hurt.  Have you ever heard the phrase Hurt People Hurt People?  If not, it basically says that when people hurt someone else, it’s usually because they are hurt. Continue reading Don’t you Know No Good?

“Lessons from Losers in Love” is Here!

I just released my latest project, a book entitled “Lessons from Losers in Love” on September 13th, one day after my 40-somethingth birthday.  This 230 page book is a compilation of stories from 22 people from all over the world (yes, I got international submissions) about loves they lost and the lessons they learned in the long run.  The stories come from a very diverse group – men, women, disabled, Christian, Mormon, a farmer, a politician, different orientations, different ethnicities, etc.  I’m very proud of the diversity represented, but I’m most proud for the universality of us all overcoming adversity and learning from those experiences.  Anyway, if you are looking for some new reading material over the weekend, I’d appreciate the support.  The book is available on Amazon.com.  Thanks in advance for your support.

Lessons_from_Losers__Cover_for_Kindle

https://www.amazon.com/Lessons-Losers-Love-Relationships-Valuable/dp/0578184141/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1474035618&sr=1-1&keywords=lessons+from+losers+in+love

 

Dumped for a Reason

It’s not you, it’s me.  Have you ever been told that infamous break up line?  It is horrendous.  It explains nothing.  It says nothing.  You leave with nothing.  They might as well just abruptly stop talking to you and let you figure out that they are gone.

Most of us adults have had a relationship or two (or multiple ones).  In at least one, I would assume that you got dumped.  It’s just not logical and realistic that you were always the dumper.  With that in mind, your partner had to tell you that they wanted out at some point.  Sometimes we’re devastated, but rarely is it a complete surprise.  There are usually signs when things head south.  We just usually pretend they aren’t happening.  Then when our partner says they want out, we look confused and ask why.  Depending on the jerkiness level of that partner depends on the response you are given.  It may be an honest truth, a mix of truth and lie, a damn lie, or something that says nothing like, “It’s not you, it’s me.”  Continue reading Dumped for a Reason

Good Woman versus Stupid Girl

Hmmm. This is an interesting debate.  This topic came up one day when I was talking to a male friend and asked him if he thought I was a good woman or a stupid girl.  Of course he said I was a good woman, but would any male I asked that question say that I was a stupid girl?  Probably not.  At least not to my face.  That’s the point.  Continue reading Good Woman versus Stupid Girl

You Can’t Demand Respect When You’re Not Respectable

I have a guy friend who has a female friend that he cares for like a sister, but his female friend super sucks at relationships.  I know, I’m the divorced one, so some might be tooting up their lips reading that statement, but I’m serious. This woman is beautiful, intelligent, and accomplished, but doggone it, her love life is tragic.  The last few dudes she’s been with have all been super disrespectful to her while they were “together.” Now all relationships have ups and downs.  No one should expect relationship perfection, but again, hers all sucked. While she can’t understand where the disrespect comes from, in hindsight or even foresight, she didn’t demand respect.  Each of her situationships ended because of another woman.  Did the dudes cheat on her?  Not really.  It turns out she was the one they were cheating with.  Each of these guys already had a lady in their life in which they had a relationship.  At some point, she learned of this other woman who was already in the picture, yet she choose to stay. Continue reading You Can’t Demand Respect When You’re Not Respectable