Security

Do you have life insurance?  Do you have a will?  Do you get regular checkups?  Have you made any provisions for what ifs and inevitables?

We all have different paths in life despite where we come from.  We can grow up in the same environment, with the same beliefs, and still end up with different outlooks on life and completely different lifestyles.  What does not change is the fact that we all will experience one thing for certain – death.

Someone of you just felt a twinge in your stomach.  You’re mad you even opened this piece.  Death is the last thing you wanted to think about, especially your own, but let’s be honest with ourselves to make this topic less taboo.

When I first got married, I became obsessed with thinking of my husband’s death. Continue reading Security

Don’t Change. I Love Everything about You, Except THAT…

Love. I love it!  I think most people love love too.  That’s why everyone seeks relationships that make them happy because they want to be loved.  We’ve all heard that we can only make ourselves happy.  Yeah, yeah, yeah; but having someone who brightens our day can make things feel a whole lot better.

Every year there are publications that come out with a list of the sexiest or most beautiful people on the planet.  Many of us look at those lists and think, “You’ve got to be kidding me.  They are not even cute.”  I’ve wondered a time or two about who are the people who came up with these lists and was there anyone else who had to give approval because the chosen ones baffled me.

I believe I was in 5th grade when I realized that everyone has different tastes.  There were some new students in school who came from different South American countries all at one time.  I don’t recall why we had a sudden influx of Latino students, but in my southern town in Georgia, we were only used to seeing blacks and whites, so we were mesmerized.  I remember distinctly that a lot of girls liked this one particular new boy named Mario Lopez (no, not THE Mario Lopez).  Yet, some girls said he was not cute.    “How can you not think he’s cute?”  I remember asking a friend.  “He’s just not,” she replied.  It was at that moment that I realized the differences of attraction. Continue reading Don’t Change. I Love Everything about You, Except THAT…

Forgiveness

holding old mess - -- USED

I probably shouldn’t be the one to write about this.  Honestly, I have a teensy, little problem in this area.  Ok, I have a big problem in this area. That’s more like the truth.  That’s what made me ask my internet buddies if they seek revenge or simply forgive when they are wronged.   Believe it or not, every last one said they forgive.  Somebody’s lying.

I don’t seek revenge, but boy do I have a hard time forgiving.  In hindsight, I think I actually do forgive.  I just don’t forget. EVER!  I’ve been small-time wronged and big-time wronged.  Regardless of the size, I WILL NOT FORGET.  I may still be cool with you, but believe me, every time I see you, I think of what you did.  I’ve had people who borrowed small items from me decades ago.  Yep, I’m still thinking about it.  Don’t laugh at me.  I’m human.  Continue reading Forgiveness

Baby, You Don’t Have to Work Anymore

“I wish I was rich so I wouldn’t have to work!”  Most of us have said this at least once in our adult lives unless we inherited wealth or were given a “small loan of a million dollars” from a relative to start a corporation.  However, money does not necessarily make you happy, as the cliché goes.  We usually counter that argument with, “I’ll buy some happiness” or even, “Well, let me how find out.”  The truth is money may provide us the opportunity to get more stuff, but will that stuff fulfill our souls?  Will we decide that we are now bored with stuff and then find something else to complain about that we wish we had?

I know many women who say they would love to find a partner that could provide for them so that they did not have to work. But in all honesty, if the situation presented itself, would they really not work?  As I typically do, I asked some friends (male and female) what they would do if their partner told them that they would no longer have to work because the partner made enough money to support them and their lifestyle.  I received a pretty equal amount of yes’s and no’s (is that how you write that?), but the reasons varied quite a bit.  Continue reading Baby, You Don’t Have to Work Anymore

Parental Mentors

I love mentoring.  It’s one of my passions.  I’ve been a mentor.  I’ve started mentoring programs.  I wrote my doctoral dissertation on mentoring. Did I mention that I love mentoring?

Seeing someone grow and develop under the willing guidance of another is beautiful.  I’ve often wondered who I would be if I had a mentor growing up.  Many of our young males growing up who have the accessibility of positive, male mentors turn out to be quite successful.  Imagine if every person had a mentor.

With that concept in mind, I told someone that I think there should be a fatherhood mentoring program.  Nation-wide!  Let’s be really real for a moment.  We all know someone who is a messed up father.  I’m not even going to limit it to fathers though.  There are some trifling mothers out there as well. Continue reading Parental Mentors

I Unfriend You

How old is your oldest friendship?  I’m not asking about the connection between you and your mother or even your sibling whom you may consider your best friend.  I’m asking about a true friend.  Some of you may have met one of your friends during infancy through your parents like I did with one of my friends, Keywa.  Now in our 40s, we’ve actually maintained a true, life-long friendship.  There were years during childhood where we lost touch (after she accidentally broke my toe by dropping a weight on it), but we reconnected again in junior high.  Boy do we have stories we could share, but I plead the Fifth on terms that it may incriminate us.  Although we have lived in different states for about 20 years, we still communicate fairly frequently.  We may go months without saying one word, but then we’ll connect and start off on the last conversation we had as if time stood still.  Besties?  It’s more like a sisterhood to me.

While many of you can probably relate to having a friend-like-sibling, some of you can also relate to having a friend that you wouldn’t mind if they fell off the side of the earth and were never heard from again.  Yet, sometimes we hang on to friendships that died a long time ago out of loyalty, pity, or guilt.  Sometimes we simply outgrow people and that’s ok.  You don’t have to have a major un-friending ceremony.  You can simply move on with less frequency in contact.  However, there are some situations where you may feel the need for the ceremony like that little, elderly lady on that Geico commercial where she tells her friends to like the pictures on her actual wall in her living room and then tells one of the ladies that she unfriends her only to be told, “That’s not how any of this works.”

In asking several real friends how they know when it’s time to end a friendship, I received a wealth of responses, many of which were very similar in nature. Continue reading I Unfriend You

Readying the Path for Entrepreneurship

Confession:  Most mornings I want to throw my alarm clock out of the window and return to which ever country I was visiting at the time before I was so rudely awakened.  OK, let me stop.  That was a false confession.  In actuality, I don’t even have an alarm clock.  My alarm is set through my phone and I wouldn’t dare throw that anywhere.  It holds my life.  However, the fact that such a small device has so much power makes me a little envious.  That phone has more control over me that I have over myself.  How so? That thing has my most treasured memories in videos and pics as well as my connections to my loved ones via phone calls, texts, and even emails.  It also holds my appointments, my ideas, my rhymes (yes, I still write hip-hop lyrics on occasion), and my most personal thoughts.  If this tiny device can have so much control over me and my actions, how come I can’t have as much control over myself?

What would control over myself look like?  What would it feel like?  See, I believe control over yourself comes in the form of autonomy. (Doc, don’t start using words that we don’t understand).  Autonomy basically means having the freedom to do what you want.  In that vein, entrepreneurship comes to mind.  I believe that most people aspire to be entrepreneurs; yet, the realization of that aspiration is seldom pursued. We dream these lofty dreams, but end up settling on a job that pays little money with little to no benefits or we get a career that may pay well with plenty perks.  Whatever our employment situations are, we often get stuck right there.  We still wish for those lofty dreams, but complacency settles in and we decide not to go for the unknown due to fear.  Is that fear of failure or fear of success?  Continue reading Readying the Path for Entrepreneurship

Good Woman versus Stupid Girl

Hmmm. This is an interesting debate.  This topic came up one day when I was talking to a male friend and asked him if he thought I was a good woman or a stupid girl.  Of course he said I was a good woman, but would any male I asked that question say that I was a stupid girl?  Probably not.  At least not to my face.  That’s the point.  Continue reading Good Woman versus Stupid Girl

A Man and an Adult Male are Two Different Things

man v adult male

I posed the topic of what makes a man a real man on social media to get a take on what some of my friends thought about the characteristics required to fill this role.  I expected a bunch of women to vent about what they would like in a man. Surprisingly, only males responded.  Let me take that back, only men responded.  Amazingly, these weren’t random men, these responders were all men that I admire for various reasons.  Some are great fathers, supportive husbands, leaders, and just plain ole good guys.  To have the insight of these men was valuable.  Again, I was surprised at the silence of women, but hopefully, they were just reading to see if their thoughts matched these men’s expressions. Continue reading A Man and an Adult Male are Two Different Things

Healing begins with Willingness and an Open Heart

healing

I spoke with a friend  about their former partner who has not been in a relationship since the two of them broke up – a VERY long time ago.  Their former lover refuses to let anyone else get close.  How unfortunate.  The heartbreak from one should not cause you to shut down your need for love and affection forever. Continue reading Healing begins with Willingness and an Open Heart