I was with a group of single woman, chit chatting about the various stages of our love lives. Two of the ladies were dating divorced men. In the conversation, someone shared how her partner let her have her way in a certain situation. When the lady him asked why him immediately backed down, he said “I didn’t want any problems.” My reply was, “Ahhhh, he has mastered the Power of Yes Dear.” Hence, the catalyst for this piece.
“Yes Dear” can make life soooo much easier. At least that’s what I hear. I haven’t had a long history with the practice myself, but I’m getting a taste.
One of my friends told me that it works very well in her marriage. Her husband often comes up with great ideas and she acknowledges them as such. All the while, this brilliant idea was initially hers from weeks prior. Instead of screaming, “Man, I suggested that last week and you didn’t listen,” she nods and agrees with his fantastic plan. It keeps their house peaceful. “Great idea babe!” He feels good and so does she. All is well in their land. No drama necessary.
Another friend previously asked his parents what made their long-lasting marriage work. The ultimate answer was using “Yes Dear,” in so many words. In their case, it wasn’t always about agreeing with the other person, but letting them know that they were heard.
Some people admitted that they haven’t mastered “Yes Dear.” It works for some and doesn’t for others. The others are usually single. Many married/coupled women have found out that they don’t always have to be right. Many single women haven’t, thus they remain single and often don’t know why. Proving that you’re right all the time can be super annoying and a turn off to men. He may even know you’re right, but throwing it in his face is a no-no.
Once upon a time, my partner and I were on a mini get away. He attempted to drink one of the bottle waters the hotel staff placed in our room. I yelled for him to put it down because it costs like $8 or something. He looked down where the water came from for an extended time and then put the water back. A few hours later, I woke up in the middle of the night and saw what he was looking at right before he put the bottled water down. It was a note from the hotel staff saying the bottles of water were complimentary. I felt a little foolish and put the bottle by his side of the bed with a note that he could drink it. The following morning, I asked why didn’t he just drink the water since he read that it was free. He didn’t want problems with me. Awwww, the Power of Yes Dear.
As we age and have the hindsight to look back on our relationships and see what caused problems and what solved them, we tend to learn that there are cases where we had the power to change the outcome. If we know that a certain action, look, tone, or slightly questioning gesture will trigger our partner from bliss to pissed, we learn not to do that thing to avoid drama. It reduces our stress levels. From the first time we learn that we actually controlled a possible battle to win the war, we start thinking more about how our actions impact our partner and their actions towards us. Thus, we begin to learn the Power of Yes Dear.
If you are in a relationship, try it out. It doesn’t make you a punk to bow down a bit to avoid drama. It makes you a wise person and tentative partner. Don’t you agree? “Yes, Dear.”