Have you ever heard someone speak about a person you’ve known in such an unflattering way that you couldn’t believe this to be the same person you knew? “They’re no good.” “They’re a womanizer.” “They just ain’t ‘bout shit.” How can a good person turn into such a person that someone else just wishes they would evaporate?
I’ve always had platonic, male friends. Some people don’t think that’s possible, but it is. When my male friends open up to me about their emotions, I often find hidden hurt. Make that hidden and unhealed hurt. Have you ever heard the phrase Hurt People Hurt People? If not, it basically says that when people hurt someone else, it’s usually because they are hurt.
Many of the males I’ve known who had issues loving (or lusting) too many woman at the same time did so because they once loved one woman and got hurt. Subconsciously or even consciously in most cases, those men vowed not to allow themselves to be hurt by a woman again. So how do they make sure that doesn’t happen? They “mess with” more than one at a time to spread their emotions around. This way, it looks and even feels like he doesn’t care about any of them and if any of them do him wrong, he has others and he did it first, so it doesn’t matter. To many women, this makes absolutely no sense. However, to some men and even some women; this is how they operate.
In essence, this good man (or woman) turned bad so save face. Is that possible? Who would purposely do this just to save face? Really, they are trying to protect their hearts without being able to verbalize this process. We women may get caught up in this web and find ourselves competing against another woman that we know nothing about. No, this isn’t fair. Dude could’ve just been honest up front, but that’s not how he sees things. Then we may feel like we are the one that he will choose if we are good to him, better than the rest. We then rage wars on other women as we find out about them, while all the while Dude is enjoying the attention. This is just giving him positive reinforcement to continue. We have to do better ladies. Men, you have to as well.
Having the experience of someone doing you wrong doesn’t mean it’s ok to hurt someone else. Just because someone hurts you doesn’t give you the right to change who you are, turning from good to bad. Just know that your experience was one that was destined for you to learn whatever lessons was meant for you. Take time to learn those lessons while re-building your own self-love. The love that is meant for you will appear in due time.
***If you are interesting in reading about some life lessons that others learned from their loss of love, please check out my latest project “Lessons from Losers in Love” currently available on Amazon.