I probably shouldn’t be the one to write about this. Honestly, I have a teensy, little problem in this area. Ok, I have a big problem in this area. That’s more like the truth. That’s what made me ask my internet buddies if they seek revenge or simply forgive when they are wronged. Believe it or not, every last one said they forgive. Somebody’s lying.
I don’t seek revenge, but boy do I have a hard time forgiving. In hindsight, I think I actually do forgive. I just don’t forget. EVER! I’ve been small-time wronged and big-time wronged. Regardless of the size, I WILL NOT FORGET. I may still be cool with you, but believe me, every time I see you, I think of what you did. I’ve had people who borrowed small items from me decades ago. Yep, I’m still thinking about it. Don’t laugh at me. I’m human.
Apparently, I’m alone in my long term, not-getting-over-it-isms. My friends are saints. I really wanted one of them to come clean about some vengeful acts they committed, but their lips were sealed. Now I know some of them had to have struggled with this in the past, but I guess as adults we learn to mature and leave somethings up the universe.
My friends aren’t totally Mother Theresa. Their forgiveness, they say, comes with stipulations. Some told me that they will forgive, but the situation will cause them to set boundaries with the person who wronged them. If they were taken for granted, or taken advantage of, then my friends would be cautious of the betrayer and know their limits as far as accessibility. Some use their negative experiences as a life lesson. Actually this is what I do. I see every experience, either positive or negative, as a chance to learn something new about myself or life in general. That’s how I can continue to be around you and smile even though I’m thinking about that item you still have of mine.
One friend remarked that time seems to heal all wounds, so forgiveness is inevitable. Another also stated that forgiving will occur eventually, but forgetting will not. I was also told that choosing not to forgive may block your blessings.
It may be super foolish to still hate the person that dumped you when you were 13 and you’re now 50. Imagine yourself at a restaurant with a 50 year old friend when that old 13 year old dumper walks into the establishment and sits down to eat. Your 50 year old friend jumps up demanding that you two have to leave because the dumper is in the same place. Oh the nerve and this 50 year old starts making a scene. In the meantime, the dumper is not even paying attention to your friend and is having a good old time with their own company. How silly is that scenario? At some point, we have to let things go.
Should we hold on to 37 year old drama? How about 37 day old drama? We have to decide when letting go of hurt and disappointment makes sense. Sometimes it’s immediately. We can only control ourselves. If someone wrongs us, it’s ok, we’ll live…in most cases. Hurt and disappointment are actually a part of life. No one goes through life without someone doing something that will impact them forever. Carrying all that extra stuff makes us an emotional hoarder. When we’re hoarding negative feelings that we don’t need, we don’t have room to carry the happiness that awaits. So put down your metaphoric rock of revenge and leave your hands free to embrace what lies ahead.