“No, you can’t see our child!” If you have ever said or wrote those words or any similar derivative, you are the problem. Yep, re-read the sentence as many times as needed. It’s not them, it’s you.
Every child brought into this world through the traditional method (sex in a relationship) is entitled to a connection with both parents. This is not a privilege of which you oversee. This is a right. Yes, we are living in the millennium and there are many ways of how children are brought into families, but I’m speaking specifically about relationship births only.
I’ve heard of far too many of my male friends who express their woes of disrespected fatherhood. These are good men (at least from what I know) who want to be in their children’s lives, yet the mother of their children deny their requests for simple interactions like parenting time. “Excuse me? You wanted to take your child for the weekend and she said no (or hid the child somewhere when you came)?” What kind of…? These actions are not understandable to me. Good man + wants to be an active father = no visitation. I may not be good with math, but something tells me that there is a problem with that equation. What single mother does not want a break from time to time? Not one. I know I do. I’m the one asking my children’s father when he will see them, encouraging regular parenting time, and even offering to spend every important holiday or celebration together with all of us as a family. What he chooses to do with all my efforts of connection is on him, but he can never tell anyone that I interfere with their relationships. So the only explanation that I can come up with for withholding children is an act is vengeance, bitterness, and spite.
What I’ve noticed about the men who were denied parenting time was that they all had something in common, they were the ones who left the relationship. Now it really makes sense (but not really). So the mothers of the children involved withhold the children from the men that left them (not the children, but the mothers) to make the father feel the hurt that they felt. Their elaborate plan to achieve this twisted goal is to put the child in the middle and play peek-a-boo with the father. This is not cool or mature. What ends up happening is the child sees what the mother is doing and in turn builds a resentment towards her, which is typically the total opposite of what the revengeful woman is trying to accomplish. I’ve seen cases where very young children clearly explained that their mothers where only hurting them by not allowing them to have a relationship with their father. In three situations, the mothers went through great lengths to discredit good men who were only trying to do the right thing. In in all three situations, judges saw through their plots and the mothers lost custody because of their actions.
If you are a woman who is Hell bent on hurting the man who hurt you by keeping his child out of his life, then you are in for a rude awakening when that child turns on you due to your own selfish reasons. If you are a man who is being denied his rights, please know that the courts no longer automatically side with the mothers and your rights will be granted as long as you are persistent with your actions and acting with good intentions. If you are a child caught in the middle, have a conversation with your parents to let them know that being the rope in their battle of tug-a-war is hurting you. Open and honest dialogue is the key. Family counseling or mediation may even be needed to get the ball rolling. We have enough turmoil in the world once we step foot outside our doors. No one should have to dread stepping inside for fear of the turmoil in their own home. Good luck!