Live, Love, and Be You

Honestly, my life is stressful. Sometimes I wish I could skip forward and get to the good parts.  I doubt myself often. I think I’m not good enough. I feel like I let people down. I start projects and never finish.  I feel like a failure.  I’ve been taken advantage of, taken for granted, cheated on, financially abused, and emotionally manipulated.  I’m in a state of complete uncertainty.  I worked three jobs because I had to, not because I’m superwoman. I’ve looked away when I saw seemingly happy families having fun.  I’ve held my head down and sighed when men publicly acknowledge and appreciate their ladies.  I’ve been called a bad mother.  My bank account is just a frowny face and my refrigerator is not full.  I think I’m in love with the most amazing man, yet afraid of him at the same time. I cry myself to sleep. Sometimes I have to be reminded that I’m a good person; that I’ve done good things that will forever impact someone’s life, and that I am loved without conditions.

I’m not here to pour out my soul for you to say, “Aww, poor Londa.”  I don’t need that.  I’m sharing my truths because someone needs to see that someone else has problems too.  Everyone has a trigger that reminds them that they don’t have it all together.  For some, it’s Mother’s Day and the entire time leading up to it makes them miserable. They may have lost their mother, their mother wasn’t about sh*t, they lost a child, they can’t have children, or they want children and have not found Mr. Right. Thanksgiving weekend will be the trigger for many.  For some it’s Valentine’s Day, New Year’s Day, or even seeing other people show genuine happiness.

On social media, people present their best selves; they usually don’t share their troubles.  Because of this, some people who are experiencing real life situations believe that they are the only person in their world with adversity.  It makes them sad.  They become depressed.  Depression can lead to suicidal thoughts. Honestly, I’ve been clinically depressed before.  I don’t wish it on anyone.  So if one person reading my post realizes they are not alone and stops them from falling into a depression, I don’t care if I’ve overshared.

Many of you purposely present your best selves while painfully attempting to hide your truths.  I see you.  We see you.  You take pics trying to hide your ring finger.  The pics and posts you once posted with or about your partner have disappeared.  You don’t post pics of yourself because you’re ashamed of your weight gain. You stopped posting about your kids because you no longer are a part of their lives. We see it all.  It’s ok.  There’s no need to front.  You only have to be honest with yourself. Once you can do that, you will find happiness.  Don’t compete with others.  We all have separate paths we must complete to the satisfaction of no one but ourselves.  Live, love, and be you.

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