Who ARE You?

The other day, I was college tour-road tripping with my kids and “Long Walk” by Jill Scott came on.  At the end of the song, my daughter announced that when she was little, she thought I sang that song when it used to come on in the car.  Her statement was interesting for two reasons: for one I can’t sing, but the other seemed to blow their minds.  I told them that I wrote a song very similar to it a year before “Long Walk” came out.  They were shocked that I wrote songs.  I reminded them that I wrote poetry.  My son yells out, “You write poetry?!?!”  I then reminded them that I wrote a book of poetry.  “You wrote a book of poetry?!?!”  At that moment, I realized that my kids don’t know a lot about me.  Continue reading Who ARE You?

“THEY” said I Need to Get Married, You’ll Do

I don’t care what age you are, someone will tell you when you need to do something according to what “they” say. “They” say you have to wait three months in a relationship before you have sex.  “They” say you have to be married before 30 if you are a woman or something is wrong with you.  “They” say if a man doesn’t propose to you within two years, he never will so dump him and don’t waste your time. “They” always have something to say.  The funny thing is, “they” usually never followed any of that advice and are usually trying to Geppetto your situation.

 

I must admit, sometimes I’ve followed the relationship advice “they” gave intermittingly throughout my life.  Often times, I’ve thought that relationships failed because I didn’t follow the rules.  I remember reflecting that on my long term relationships and I found that in all of those, I actually followed that three month waiting period rule.  It wasn’t like we’d be hot and heavy and I’d stop and look at the calendar and tell dude that he had a little longer to wait.  No, it was nothing like that. Instead, we actually got to know each other during those months and when the time felt right, it just so happened to be months later.  I also realized that the person’s true self didn’t show until after around three months, because you can only front for so long.  In that reflection, I also noted that in relationships that didn’t have that three month period, those relationships usually ended within three months. Hmmm, maybe there is something to this waiting thing.

Continue reading “THEY” said I Need to Get Married, You’ll Do

The Power of Yes Dear

I was with a group of single woman, chit chatting about the various stages of our love lives. Two of the ladies were dating divorced men.  In the conversation, someone shared how her partner let her have her way in a certain situation.  When the lady him asked why him immediately backed down, he said “I didn’t want any problems.”  My reply was, “Ahhhh, he has mastered the Power of Yes Dear.”  Hence, the catalyst for this piece.

“Yes Dear” can make life soooo much easier. At least that’s what I hear. I haven’t had a long history with the practice myself, but I’m getting a taste.  Continue reading The Power of Yes Dear

Faith – Action = Foolishness

 

I met a woman once many moons ago who called my place of employment for assistance.  The woman was known in the helping community as a taker with no action on her own part to improve her life or the lives of her children.  She’d actually been banned from receiving services from a few non-profit organizations.  I needed to see what I was dealing with on my own.  It couldn’t possibly be as bad as they made it seem. Continue reading Faith – Action = Foolishness

Dodging Bullets

Like you, I have a few friends with whom we discuss exes and what we know of their current lives.  A few have stated that they saw their exes on social media sites and they realized that they dodged a bullet based on what they represented on the sites.  Although we know that most people post their best selves, these dudes clearly didn’t get the memo.  We laugh reflecting on how hurt we were when the relationships ended, but in hind sight; we’re elated. Continue reading Dodging Bullets

Are Life Partnerships Really our Goal as We Age?

I wasn’t the type of girl that planned her wedding at the age of 5 and continued to expand on the details to the dream every year until adulthood.  I was actually the girl that said she’d never get married or have kids.  My plan was to have a boyfriend with a two year max and he could not live with me.  That was my plan for a very long time.  The concept of marriage just didn’t seem like it fit me.  I honestly can’t explain my thoughts.  When I actually did get married, I wasn’t like most women who are excited to plan a wedding.  My fiancé wanted a wedding.  I didn’t, but I told him that he could plan it and I’ll show up.  We ended up at the court house. Continue reading Are Life Partnerships Really our Goal as We Age?

Relationship Investments and Balance Sheets

Are you owed something if you make an investment? That investment may come in many forms, so may the return on that investment.  In thinking about relationships, one may consider their money or time spent during the relationship as an investment.  If that relationship ends, are you owed something?  If the relationship progresses, do you consider that a return on your investment?

I know a former couple in which one party traveled quite frequently to spend time with the other.  While together, the other party took care of all the other expenses during their romantic excursions.  Although the traveler spent a significantly larger amount of money for their togetherness, they thought of it as an investment into the relationship.  When that relationship ended, the traveler wanted reimbursement for the overage in costs (their travel expenses –amounts their partner spent for weekend expenses = the return they wanted back).  They wanted to make things equal because overall, their investment did not result in the anticipated gains for either of them. Continue reading Relationship Investments and Balance Sheets

Don’t you Know No Good?

Have you ever heard someone speak about a person you’ve known in such an unflattering way that you couldn’t believe this to be the same person you knew? “They’re no good.” “They’re a womanizer.” “They just ain’t ‘bout shit.”  How can a good person turn into such a person that someone else just wishes they would evaporate?

I’ve always had platonic, male friends.  Some people don’t think that’s possible, but it is.  When my male friends open up to me about their emotions, I often find hidden hurt.  Make that hidden and unhealed hurt.  Have you ever heard the phrase Hurt People Hurt People?  If not, it basically says that when people hurt someone else, it’s usually because they are hurt. Continue reading Don’t you Know No Good?