It’s not you, it’s me. Have you ever been told that infamous break up line? It is horrendous. It explains nothing. It says nothing. You leave with nothing. They might as well just abruptly stop talking to you and let you figure out that they are gone.
Most of us adults have had a relationship or two (or multiple ones). In at least one, I would assume that you got dumped. It’s just not logical and realistic that you were always the dumper. With that in mind, your partner had to tell you that they wanted out at some point. Sometimes we’re devastated, but rarely is it a complete surprise. There are usually signs when things head south. We just usually pretend they aren’t happening. Then when our partner says they want out, we look confused and ask why. Depending on the jerkiness level of that partner depends on the response you are given. It may be an honest truth, a mix of truth and lie, a damn lie, or something that says nothing like, “It’s not you, it’s me.” Continue reading Dumped for a Reason
Yes, I have secretly called many men my future ex-husbands. Why? Well, because they are simply men I’ve had crushed on, but I know damn well if I got with them in real life, we’d be over before we really began – hence the term, my future ex-husband.
See, I’ve learned to enjoy the excitement of fantasy. I may see a super, handsome dude online and lust til my little heart is content, but in actuality, that dude will probably not keep my attention. Looks aren’t everything. He may be fine today, but will he still be fine two years from now? Will that chiseled six-pack all the women trace with their fingers on their computer screens turn into a keg? Probably so. Does fineness even matter in a relationship? Nope, not at all. What if he’s fine, but can’t even speak in proper English when need be? I know I speak country hood at times, but I also know how to code switch and wax eloquently if the time is right. Can he do the same? Can fine dude even read? That’s a prerequisite. So for all his sexiness, he may not have anything else going for him. That can’t work for me. Continue reading Heeeeyyy, Future Ex-Husband!
Caring for loved ones can be an emotional journey for the family members whether they are the caregiver or the person being cared for. No one wants to be in the position that others have to be forced to care for them. It’s uncomfortable. It may cause feelings of guilt. It may even cause feelings of shame. Yet, we can’t control what happens to our health as we age…or can we? Continue reading The Caregiver
I don’t want your dog jumping on me to meet me at the door. Sorry, I just don’t. I don’t care how “friendly” it may be or if it “just wants to play.” Keep your dog out of my space. Some were just offended by my statement, but that’s fine. When you come to my house, I don’t unleash my children and have them jump on you, sniff your legs, or attempt to lick your face. Yes, it’s the same thing.
See, boundaries apply to every aspect of our lives. If you allow your pet to violate a personal space boundary without thinking twice about it, you may allow other boundaries to be violated as well. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying that everyone who has a dog doesn’t know how to respect boundaries. Just stay with me. Continue reading Stay in Your Lane, Literally. Boundaries and Beyond.
You had your heart set on something. It happened just as you imagined. Then day one, you realize that thing you wanted is no longer there. It’s no longer right. It no longer looks like you imagined early on or felt the way it did initially. What happened? How did this failure happen? How will things go from this point forward?
We’ve all had these types of experiences. If you haven’t, you will. Give it time. For those of us who have had the pleasure of failure, we typically can look back and see that we are in a different space now and we overcame that situation. Now some of you are still stuck on me calling your failure pleasant. Maybe I’m a masochistic. I don’t know, but I am one of those people who appreciate the unpleasant times because they are usually followed by very pleasant ones.
A few years ago, I spoke to a friend who divorced. They tried to describe what they were going through. All they kept clearly repeating was that they felt like a failure. They did not know what to tell their family and friends about the demise of the union. They thought that people would blame them personally or pick sides. At that point, I could only listen because I could not fully relate. However, their words of failure suck deep within. Continue reading Not All Failures Are Failures
Do you have life insurance? Do you have a will? Do you get regular checkups? Have you made any provisions for what ifs and inevitables?
We all have different paths in life despite where we come from. We can grow up in the same environment, with the same beliefs, and still end up with different outlooks on life and completely different lifestyles. What does not change is the fact that we all will experience one thing for certain – death.
Someone of you just felt a twinge in your stomach. You’re mad you even opened this piece. Death is the last thing you wanted to think about, especially your own, but let’s be honest with ourselves to make this topic less taboo.
When I first got married, I became obsessed with thinking of my husband’s death. Continue reading Security
Love. I love it! I think most people love love too. That’s why everyone seeks relationships that make them happy because they want to be loved. We’ve all heard that we can only make ourselves happy. Yeah, yeah, yeah; but having someone who brightens our day can make things feel a whole lot better.
Every year there are publications that come out with a list of the sexiest or most beautiful people on the planet. Many of us look at those lists and think, “You’ve got to be kidding me. They are not even cute.” I’ve wondered a time or two about who are the people who came up with these lists and was there anyone else who had to give approval because the chosen ones baffled me.
I believe I was in 5th grade when I realized that everyone has different tastes. There were some new students in school who came from different South American countries all at one time. I don’t recall why we had a sudden influx of Latino students, but in my southern town in Georgia, we were only used to seeing blacks and whites, so we were mesmerized. I remember distinctly that a lot of girls liked this one particular new boy named Mario Lopez (no, not THE Mario Lopez). Yet, some girls said he was not cute. “How can you not think he’s cute?” I remember asking a friend. “He’s just not,” she replied. It was at that moment that I realized the differences of attraction. Continue reading Don’t Change. I Love Everything about You, Except THAT…
I probably shouldn’t be the one to write about this. Honestly, I have a teensy, little problem in this area. Ok, I have a big problem in this area. That’s more like the truth. That’s what made me ask my internet buddies if they seek revenge or simply forgive when they are wronged. Believe it or not, every last one said they forgive. Somebody’s lying.
I don’t seek revenge, but boy do I have a hard time forgiving. In hindsight, I think I actually do forgive. I just don’t forget. EVER! I’ve been small-time wronged and big-time wronged. Regardless of the size, I WILL NOT FORGET. I may still be cool with you, but believe me, every time I see you, I think of what you did. I’ve had people who borrowed small items from me decades ago. Yep, I’m still thinking about it. Don’t laugh at me. I’m human. Continue reading Forgiveness
“I wish I was rich so I wouldn’t have to work!” Most of us have said this at least once in our adult lives unless we inherited wealth or were given a “small loan of a million dollars” from a relative to start a corporation. However, money does not necessarily make you happy, as the cliché goes. We usually counter that argument with, “I’ll buy some happiness” or even, “Well, let me how find out.” The truth is money may provide us the opportunity to get more stuff, but will that stuff fulfill our souls? Will we decide that we are now bored with stuff and then find something else to complain about that we wish we had?
I know many women who say they would love to find a partner that could provide for them so that they did not have to work. But in all honesty, if the situation presented itself, would they really not work? As I typically do, I asked some friends (male and female) what they would do if their partner told them that they would no longer have to work because the partner made enough money to support them and their lifestyle. I received a pretty equal amount of yes’s and no’s (is that how you write that?), but the reasons varied quite a bit. Continue reading Baby, You Don’t Have to Work Anymore
I love mentoring. It’s one of my passions. I’ve been a mentor. I’ve started mentoring programs. I wrote my doctoral dissertation on mentoring. Did I mention that I love mentoring?
Seeing someone grow and develop under the willing guidance of another is beautiful. I’ve often wondered who I would be if I had a mentor growing up. Many of our young males growing up who have the accessibility of positive, male mentors turn out to be quite successful. Imagine if every person had a mentor.
With that concept in mind, I told someone that I think there should be a fatherhood mentoring program. Nation-wide! Let’s be really real for a moment. We all know someone who is a messed up father. I’m not even going to limit it to fathers though. There are some trifling mothers out there as well. Continue reading Parental Mentors